look past what scares you...

LADY GAGA IS MY VOICE.
she is my new obsession. if someone wants to know more about who i really am in my heart, learn more about lady gaga. not what you see on the surface, but what she's truly about. i see her as a combination of two of my most obsessed over artists... ANDY WARHOL & MADONNA. if they had a child, it would be LADY GAGA. i have become one of her "little monsters."

you may see or interpret her as another pop-artist, an excessive manufactured chick on the scene. you couldn't be more wrong.

no one like her could be manufactured. she is a true artist. she wants to liberate with her ideas and she is "an artist of liberation!" she says... "i don't care what people think of me, i care what they think of themselves!"

if you look close, or beyond what scares you, you will be inspired by something. she gives to us so much... music, art, beauty, editorial, expression, fashion, love, anger, dirtiness, passion, freakiness and peace.

LADY GAGA stirs up passion & inspiration inside me i have not felt in a long time, if at all. she is art, she is an entity of passion and liberation and commentary on our culture.

open your mind and look beyond what scares you. entice yourself to experience a part of yourself or the world you may have dismissed, you will be surprised.

get ready for more, this GAGA monster has been born!

xxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxoo
k
http://www.ladygaga.com/badromance/defaultdb.aspx

surviving the holidays... fa ra ra ra ra

just a few words of inspiration to survive the holiday weekend. "What? Survive?" you say... oh c'mon, yes we all love the food, family, lights and laughter... however some of us, if not all also encounter the usual dysfunctional family situations that every year we swear will not bother us, and inevitably they do. here's a few tips...

1. imagine everyone in their underwear - ewwwwww no, gross, just kidding
2. i've learned this from a couple friends of mine, just sit back and observe the "going ons" like you're a fly on the wall rather than part of it. it all is actually pretty funny and ridiculous when you take yourself out of the situation.
3. have an extra glass of wine or shot instead of an extra cookie - you avoid gaining the extra weight, get plastered enough to not care and only have to sleep the effects off instead of run them off.
4. just remember, it will be over soon, so take every bit of joy you can from it!
5. tell a pirate joke - here's one courtesy of my dad... "a pirate walks into a bar, the bartender looks at him and says "hey buddy, you've got a steering wheel stuck in your pants"... the pirate says "aRRGH, it's drivin' me nuts!" lmao
6. if you must - ignore it all, go to your happy place (i'm tellin ya though, if you stay present, you could really pick up on some good comedy).
7. this is something i think you have to be practiced in, or be prepared for the consequences, but for a friend of mine, it really seems to work... because you know how to push your relatives' buttons, go ahead and do it (not nagging, but subtly). Like, bring up a subject you just know will set them off and watch them go batty ;)just observe, listen and report back to your friends, do not interact with the battiness you have created, I REPEAT, STAY NUETRAL, that's the whole fun of it. hehe
8. my fav... i play this little game when i'm bored or people watching, inspired by a friend of mine. first, think of the funniest person you know, 2nd, entitle your game "What would (insert name of the funniest person you know here) say?", 3rd, think (don't say! keeping to yourself is half the fun) and do what the title of the game tells you to do.
9. seriously - enjoy every bit of it you can, there is purpose for all of this in this life, if nothing else, it is to improve the world, the lives of others or ourselves. merry christmas, happy hannakah, kwanza, solstice, new year etc. etc. -

peace, love & laughter!
k

let passion flow

i have recently become more in tune with my deeper senses. i also have enjoyed learning to enjoy and share who i really am rather than mold myself to be something i believe others want me to be. during these recent "revelations," i have realized how deeply i feel about pretty much everything i encounter in life. it really is a wonderful to let the love, intensity, curiosity and passion flow through me. i can feel it physically and mentally.

it's interesting to me that i have not realized this before now, but i do believe certain situations or circumstances reveal themselves to you at certain times in your life for a reason. though my life, i feel, is filled with amazing explorations, there can be downfalls to this "gift" as well (but pale in comparison to the positives). For instance, i have been known to be quite sensitive to myself and others. i've had to learn whether i'm feeling my own emotions or those of my present company and to set up boundaries of when i let myself tune into others and who i let "tune in" to me. i'm just starting to learn this part, but find it quite intriguing.

don't be afraid of the intensity of life, emotion and passion. don't be afraid to show your joy or fears or disdain with what you encounter. and most of all, don't be afraid to be yourself, this is something you can do better than any other (-anonymous)

love, passion and joy to you all
xxoo
k

see with an eye that feels, feel with a hand that sees

seriously, 2 months? ridiculous, no excuses (though i have a million) anywho, a few things i'm totally stoked about: madmen season finale was the BEST, i am in love with walmart's grape flavored knock off of crystal light, going to utah this week for business (but personally super excited to see mountains like i've never seen), my friend amie fixing my bathroom painting and - once again - cha winter.

inspiring activity challenge: find something dirty, or "ugly" or scummy and find something beautiful in it, look at it with a new set of eyes. freshen your point of view.

find something that makes you happy or leaves you with a sense of accomplishment and pride (hopefully this will then make you happy). i'm mainly talking about work - which may take longer than you'd like and not give a sense of immediate gratification, but then how incredibly gratifying will it be when you actually find it??? look hard, work hard and NEVER settle for anything less than what you want. if contentment is your want, that's just dandy. if exuberant elation is your goal(like mine) than go for it!

what you want is ripe for the picking, you simply need to reach out and grab it

xxoo
k

women are wonderful

when i was younger, i didn't understand how important bonds between women are. i used to say "i'm more of a 'guys' girl, i just seem to get along better with them." I still like to hang with the guys and think a lot the way they do, but there's nothing that can hold up to my time with the girls. the older i get, the more i know and appreciate how important it is for a woman to have a strong group of women friends.


it's innate in us to compete, compare and covet. it will always be a goal of mine to change this way of thinking. to love who we are, not to compare and to only compete when it makes sense (an example of non-sensible competition would be who can get the most stares when they enter a room).

there's a part inside of you that may feel vulnerable & weak if you open up or look to a girlfriend to lean on. don't be afraid, we need each other, we need someone who knows how important a good cry is, how fun it is to shop for a millionth scent of lotion or a thousandth pair of black shoes that you don't need. someone who understands that a bright store filled with thousands of pieces of jewelry made in some other country makes you feel like you're walking into a candy store for the first time as a 5 year old is a priceless bond.

to know & trust someone who knows what it means to "do it all" but not realize that's what she's really doing is a must have to get through the days where we have to do more than "it all." please also be someone that we can trust and look to for support.

women are wonderful, all of us, everywhere.

xxoo -
k

blue skies, good tunes & open road

what more could you want? i'm reading a lot from my friends' posts about enjoying the simple things. i always find the most peace in things that are easy to get, so i'm making a list here and maybe you'll find something that strikes you as enjoyable and try to incorporate it into your day...

play a game of mad libs (try to find online, or just email me, i have tons) this always makes me laugh until i almost wet my pants;
open all the windows in your house and lay in front of one, or in the middle of the room and feel the breeze on your skin while you take deep breaths in;
turn off the tv or radio just for a few minutes and enjoy the peace;
don't worry about your "schedule" for the day, if it doesn't get done, oh well!;
take a picture of your favorite thing in your house to look at and put it in a little frame at work (or put it in a luggage tag and hang from your rear view mirror);
sit outside or lay on the grass and stare at the clouds (don't forget to blink);
put in your favorite movie and watch it from beginning to end without breaking for any chores, emails, phone calls etc.;
turn off your phone & computer for 2 hours;
get in the car with a favorite mix of songs or cd (or tape ;);
open up all the windows and just drive (farm/country roads are the best);
eat a meal that doesn't have ingredients in it that you can't pronounce (even if it's just scrambled eggs or a turkey sandwhich;
take time out to do your own nails & a home-made face mask like we all used to do in high school/college;
talk to a friend on the phone for a while and laugh;
enjoy a snack/dessert with no guilt, no counting, no thinking - just savor it;
do or say something you've been wanting to do or say, but have been afraid to;
whistle;
make raspberry noises;
write in a journal;
take extraordinary pictures of ordinary things;
be still; hug; kiss; love;
dream.
xxoo
k

want to enjoy life more? (a bit of a rant)

i'm currently working on making my marketing emails less prone to never being read with asking a question in the subject line rather than telling them the subject and letting the reader make their own conclusion. i suppose my title here though is not very open-ended, thus also creating a lack of interest in reading further. HOWEVER, who wouldn't want to enjoy life more? i can think of a few that prefer to live in the lap of negativity & misery rather than joy & luxury. what a waste, huh?. i think melancholy is just their state of comfort, or their safe spot.

well you may try to pull these people out of their depths, but after a couple times, let it go. don't allow them to suck the energy out of you (i call them energy vampires, you may have heard the term). there are those of us made of light and those of made of nothing who try to misappropriate our light. i'm not saying these people are necessarily bad, most times they have no idea what they're doing. it is up to us "people of light" to be aware of those around us that drain us. either stay away from them all together, or simply know that when you are around them, you will have to take time to replenish yourself after you're done with them (or rather, they're done with you). sometimes i even put up an imaginary bubble shield around me. that seems to help at times.

so to my initial point... i want you to ask yourself how open-minded you are. i think it's an overused and often times misunderstood word. just because you might be liberal or say you're democratic or simply open-minded, you may act as an open-minded individual. i have very strong belief systems in all aspects of my life. many people don't agree with me, but that's ok, because my beliefs are mine and no one else's, this is my life to live. that's another thing i believe, what makes this world...this america...this one life that we are currently living so remarkable is that we get to choose any path we want, any life we want, any action we want, any thing we want.

so please, act open-minded, appreciate others' points of views - even if you wholeheartedly disagree - you might learn something or enjoy a new experience. OH, and if you encounter one that shoves their opinions down your throat or acts as though you're stupid because you think differently, try to ignore them, your efforts to debate or change their minds will be futile. don't waste your light on close minded individuals.
xoxo -
k

CHA

Can I just say how excited I am about the next CHA? That's all, super excited to go to Anaheim and super excited for the big show and to see all my girls again!
xxoo
k

my web

hi everyone! i was and am still just overcome with happiness with all the warmth and well wishes and attention i've received for my 33 birthday (multiples of 3 and simply 3 are my favorite numbers, so this is my favorite birthday)! thank you to you all!

the last couple years has been almost tumultuous to say the least. i know i'm a fighter and will always overcome any obstacle, but the reason i am able to do this is because of my web of friends and family that support me. from those i grew up with to ones i work with, you all bring me joy, laughter, and inspiration.

i will always fight and i will always win because of all of you!

thank you :)
xxoo
k

finally back...

hello everyone!
still laughing here, but even moreso creating, crafting, typing, learning and makin' it happen. that's my recent motto "make it happen." it's a super busy time for us at work, but incredibly fun as well. a co-worker and i were talking today about what an individual (a driven individual at least) is truly capable of when they really need to pull from deep inside. i feel that i'm approaching another level in my life, higher than before, or i'm just there and feeling it. it's so great when something you foreshadowed once as being almost impossible just kind of... happens. as you continue to learn and grow and experience all new and different aspects of life, know that you will call upon them some day and it will make your life that much easier. and don't forget to sit back and look at yourself from the outside, you might be pretty pleased with what you see. - so make it happen!
xxoo
k

laugh laugh laugh

hola everyone - i seriously think that one will live longer if one laughs more. so laugh laugh laugh! i honestly laugh, giggle, snort and smile quite a bit. one thing i have not yet subscribe to is something i think called a laughing circle or laughing calls? it's something my sister told me about. every morning, she and a group of her friends get on the phone and just laugh with each other. scientifically laughing and having an orgasm are two of the BIGGEST stress relievers one can engage in. i personally think a good piece of dark chocolate is right up there too ;) SO, my sis was part of one group, then she actually started her own. something i just encourage everyone to check out.

or at least just laugh a little more - here's somethin for ya...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eLw3xZ7GHs

luvs!
k

When you're going through hell...keep going! (winston churchill)

So, I must apologize for not posting any nice inspiring stories over the past couple months. I think it's been kind of a restructuring/reorganizing time for me. So I feel quite awake and alive this year. Especially over the past couple of months. It's really a great feeling. I'm not sure what exactly it is, but I kind of just woke up one morning, and was ready to go again. Back to my old "let's get this sh*T done" mentality.

I suppose what I can give you all the most is the notion that truly nothing you want to do, achieve, experience or be with is out of reach. You just need to move forward and take baby steps to get to the final leap. Then when you look back to when you took that first baby step you'll think two things... 1 - Holy Canoli (or possibly some other expletive) and 2 - that really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

One major thing I can look back on is when my left side was paralyzed from the 2nd stroke. So if you really think of it, there were two choices I had at that initial moment... either I could lay there and choose to not repair myself, or I could decide to not accept that I was stuck. My therapists were real with me and said, "if after a year you haven't gotten back all your movement, that's where your progress will end." At that year mark, I was still slightly limping, not able to fully type with both hands (I turned into a one hand typer;), and I wasn't able to put on my makeup with my left hand and honestly, still struggled with a lot of activities.

Well it's now 1 year and 10 months later and I really feel my only setbacks are hyper-extension on my left hand (it gets crampy and sometimes my fingers lock up after a lot of typing) and not able to run (not that I was ever a runner;) Don't get me wrong, I do still have weakness and struggle on the left side when I am tired, sick and believe it or not, hormonal - suck. BUT that's not every day out of the month, and hey, another reason to get me in bed early, I won't fight it.

When you're on your way, you might face walls you have to break and plateaus that seem like the final resting place, but don't stop breaking through and soon you'll find another hill to climb and you'll reach another peak.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN HAVE IT - You must try. I found even if I don't get what I originally wanted, I get something even better that I didn't even know I needed.

- K

Happy V-day

This is one holiday that Roy and I don't celebrate (previously much to my shagrin). We use to exchange cards here and there, but now we say happy v-day and try to get some alone time if we can. Being a hopeless romantic - I always was enticed by the idea of being lavished with chocolates, flowers, nights on the town etc etc. Don't get me wrong, those things are still great and I wouldn't turn them down, but I would NEVER trade them for the everyday thoughtful things Roy does for me. I ask all of you to think of someone you love today and think of all the thoughtful things they do for you on an every day basis even if they may not be giving you flowers or chocolates today...

Here's my list about Roy that may inspire you with appreciative thoughts of your own...

he calls me every morning to say hi and have a good day (and at lunch), he cleans the house top to bottom before it even needs it, he vacuums, dusts, shovels, pays bills, does laundry, sweeps garage, cleans the bathrooms, checks the attic for leaks, changes furnace filters, cleans humidifiers, cleans cars, walks the dog, fixes cars, works at a less than desirable job - ALL WITHOUT ASKING, hugs me every day, makes me laugh when I need it, kisses me gently, brightens my painting spot, buys me dinner, charges my phone, likes the cubs, lets me keep lifetime on even when he's in the same room, carries my books, lets me be me and most importantly...loves me.

i couldn't ask, wish or dream for anything more. - love you roy!

and much love to all of you out there that do so much for me and have done so much for me through the past couple years and our hardships - and my whole life - happy v-day :):)

luvs xxxooo
k

speak your truth

my sister has been a speaker of her truth for as long as i can remember. especially for other people - like myself, she always spoke up for me when i was afraid. now she does it for herself. i've always believed in it and appreciated it and at most times in my life feel i have spoken my truth. but until recently, i don't think i really have understood the real impact of speaking your truth. when you actually do say something that is, in a way, eating at you and it finally creeps out, you feel free, and in a way, more alive.

i have a habit of playing out situations in my head. over and over and over and over...usually it takes a while before i actually make the situation occur because i fret about "saying the right thing" or acting the right way. i think, to be truthful, i'm more afraid of the response not being what i expected, leading me to be out of control of the situation i've so overplayed in my head. i recently realized it's a waste of time - all that "playing out" and fretting.

i think i'm actually, i know, i'm happier with the results that have occurred after i've finally spoken my truth than what i've expected to happen.

that's about it - speak your truth & really mean it - to everyone you know. you are you and you must be proud of it and OWN it. your thoughts are an integral part of who you are.

so if any of you have anything to say to me, tell me. i'm here with open ears. (and eyes if you type it hehe)

LOVE you all, that's my truth

blizzard after blizzard after blizzard

Gosh I can see how easy it could be to develop what they've named "seasonal anxiety disorder or depression." I have honestly been loving the snow, I jump around with Vegas in it, but today is BITTERLY cold! One thing I do enjoy however is the crispness of the air, and how everything just looks brighter. And by reading my blog, you know I always try to look on the bright side of things, isn't it nicer to look out your window and see the moon reflecting off the crystally white snow than the slushy dirty greyness we have been getting in the Winters of the past? - OK I'm human too, that's my bright side but MAN IT'S COLD & I look forward to Spring.

What I'd really like to "blog" about today is again, friends - I've been able to connect with so many people from my past on facebook that I honestly wouldn't think I'd ever be able to talk to again. One person today especially comes to mind. We have been friends, whether we've talked or not, for almost 20 years. This person will always have a deeply embedded place in my heart. I've always seen a joy, warmth, passion and creativity in them that always made me smile. There were days I cried for them because I knew they were going through rough times, or couldn't see their own greatness and understand that they deserved nothing but the best from life and those around them. But as a friend, sometimes you just have to let go or even walk away. Sometimes the timing in life is just wrong and doesn't allow them to really hear you. And if you truly do love them, you'll let them know you'll be there when they need you.

Even if you don't connect, putting yourself out there, just so that person knows you're there can make a universe of difference. I know it has for those that have done so for me. I have made it a point in my life to disconnect from those that have brought me negativity and bad energy. I call those people vampires (not the cool kind). They plug into you and SUCK your energy so you have no more. Hey, I need all I can get and the ones I love deserve it more than those that don't love me.

So my old friend, if you read this, know I'm always here and always have been. To all my current friends, or those that are just reading and don't know me...allow yourself to be loved and let your love be known. Like with kids, there's a point you have to let them fall down, but let them know you're there to help them up.

xxoo - k

My friends

This post is generally about life. A message from one of my friends on facebook struck me as inspiring tonight. As most all of you know, I have had some health issues over the past couple years. I feel strongly about my success in overcoming them and continuing to heal. Much of this is due to my inner strength, determination and refusal to give up. But, most of it is because of my support system, my friends & family - the ones who won't let me stay down. The ones that share their ups and downs with me. They empathize with me, cry or laugh with me about our downs and smile about our ups.

Life can be hard, it can be tragically hard at times. However, how we choose to get through the hard times is what makes us who we are. If you're having a hard time, just take a deep breath and know that I'm here for you as I'm sure others in your life are as well. Let someone know, swallow the pride and ask for a hug if you need.

Life is a roller coaster, there are ups and there are downs, but the ride sure is fun so enjoy it while you can.

love you all - k

push push push

(had to share one of my baby pics, it just makes me smile :):):)

what a beautiful day! i have many happy things flowing through my brain this morning - but i have to say i am inspired this week by my friend and co-worker, karen! we are feverishly working to complete TONS of work this week to prepare for our cha show. karen is omg - soooooooo sick. not ONCE did she complain this week or give me attitude or whine or anything! she's just there for me and our company to get things done. that is strength that she dug deep down for.

i pray that she's sleeping right now (i told her she could sleep next week ;) and recouping!

Let's all be inspired and DIG DEEP to find that bit of strength to get us through whatever obstacle we face today! keep your eye on that light at the end of the tunnel - believe me it's there and it shines brighter and brighter every day!

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE STARS AND YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND

be free

this morning an older song i used to (and still) love played on my ipod. it always takes me back to a moment where i felt completely free. i had a friend whose apartment was about 1 block from wrigley field. we'd go there quite often and just chill. play games, watch movies, whatever. one night we were just hangin out, lights were off, but xmas lights in full splendor. i was sitting on the floor, i think the windows were open and we had the verve blasting. lucky man was playing. it was one of my favorite moments of all time.

that may have been a while ago and those that may know of the times i'm talking about may think "yeah, that was when we hardly had any responsibility, we were young and no worries." i say, so what? all i know is that the feeling of freedom i had that night was the best feeling in the world - peaceful, happy, wonderful.

i get that feeling every now and then, like when i paint, take a walk in a forest, drive forever with the windows down. it could be that simple.

my point being - just find something every now and then that makes you feel free and don't forget to make it a habit. you and those around you will enjoy your life better for it.

peace - k

connections

So I'm new to facebook -
yes we are addicted, at least I will be for the next week or so. It's amazing the 6 degrees of separation there is between my friends. What I find most amazing are those I haven't seen or spoken to in FOREVER. Mainly, from highschool. It's hard enough to get through our busy weeks and keep in touch with our super close friends, let alone the ones we used to connect with, though haven't in years. So for enabling me to connect with those that have at one time or another made me smile, facebook, I thank you :)

Let's all keep our hearts and minds open, ya never know what you might discover or who you might impact.

- k

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Hello everyone! Here's to an incredible 2009 for everyone! it's been such a wonderful day and fun evening, again filled with more laughter than I can almost handle!

For 2009 - be aware, love and allow yourself to be loved and know there's nothing to really be afraid of.

Love you all and happy happy new year!!

- k