little victories...

for the past three years i've been slowly, but diligently (most of the time;) rehabilitating from my second stroke that knocked out my left side completely. i wasn't able to walk or move any part of my left side. cognitively, i was fine, but in the physical sense and emotional side of my brain, i was all twisted around. i've fought incredibly hard over the past three years, with a wonderful support group, to get to this point in my life where i'm feeling pretty whole again and in an even better mental/emotional state than i was before the stroke.

this week marked a huge turning point for me. because i finally feel strong and balanced enough to do so, i graduated myself from simple stretching and moving exercises to a full blown work out routine including core strengthening pilates, cardio and various strength exercises.

what has gotten me to this point is appreciating AND celebrating all the little victories that have gotten me here. here are some of the little things i reflect on and celebrate achieving that brought me here...

• dragging my seemingly disconnected left leg along with the rest of my body the 3rd day in the hospital
  
• forcing my crabbiness into raising my middle-left finger in rehab
  
• visualizing my muscles working in my arm allowing me to put the peg in the whole
  
• walking a straight line
  
• walking up and down a step without a walker
  
• riding the stationary bike for 30 minutes
  
• eating without flinging food anywhere (though reared its ugliness one more time in the middle of a restaurant with an avacado)
  
• matching the grip strength of my left hand with my right hand
  
• not feeling embarrassed
  
• watching fireworks on my friend's deck the day i got "sprung"
  
• DRIVING!!! all by myself! while at the same time truly missing my mom as a chauffeur (but now i can drive her around)
  
• giving roy a hug with both arms :)
  
• sleeping without a brace
  
• ASKING FOR HELP
  
• sleeping in the same bed with my hubby (as long as my insomnia isn't kickin)
  
• cutting my own food
  
• hanging my clothes
  
• breathing and taking a break if i can't do something instead of getting pissed off
  
• pulling up my pants with both hands
  
• tying my shoes
  
• taking a bath by myself
  
• typing with both hands
  
• taking a shower
  
• loving myself a bit more each day
  
• not using a scooter at my tradeshows (though it was fun, i prefer to walk tall)
  
• wearing heels again!
  
• lifting my hip
  
• baking
  
• grocery shopping
  
• going a full week, month, year (knock on wood) without injuring myself or falling down
  
• working a full week AT the office
  
• taking a breath and not over-reacting
  
• finally being diagnosed
  
• getting ready in less than 2.5 hours
  
• walking my dog, vegas
  
• doing my hair
  
• understanding my diagnosis and what i can do to avoid further issues
  
• walking heel toe with my left foot ALL day
  
• not being afraid
  
• and the list goes on and on and on & will continue to grow
  

the inspiration i ask you to take with you today though is understanding that accomplishing something is all about the little victories you achieved to get you there. it's almost like making sure you take time to smell the flowers... be present and aware of all that you overcome, even if it's as simple as not spilling coffee or being able to get to work 5 minutes earlier than usual, or making dinner - it's all the little things that are the most important in life.

love you all and thank you all for helping me get to this huge point in my life!
xxoo
k

...our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched

once again inspired, i steal a quote from a friend for this post...
"i've learned people forget what you said, people forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." i live so much in my passions that i realize i typically feel my way through life. i've walked, crossed, followed and escaped many paths with many different characters. as these faces pass across the movie screen in my mind, each one evokes a new emotion for me. some made me feel wanted, worthy, respected, loved, happy, or appreciated and others left me feeling gross, angry, wasted, lifeless or blue. needless to say the latter were those whose paths i escaped. and i'm so lucky to say those paths i share now in my life are those of the characters that make me feel warm, sexy, funny, respected, smart, creative, appreciated and so on! that's how i want to feel. those are the people i hold so incredibly dear to my heart and wouldn't trade them for anything at anytime!

to bring us back to the quote... no matter what these great people that i have in my life have said or done to me or for me - even if i may not exactly remember the words or actions - they've always left me with these wonderful feelings.

how can you make someone feel? take a moment and ponder that, enjoy it and go out and be appreciated for it...

when i close my eyes and each one of you that i appreciate passes my movie screen, i feel you when i see your faces.

xxxooo
k


(the blog title is from the new movie "remember me" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403981/)

finding balance...

since i can remember, i've loved alice in wonderland. i've seen, read, worn, studied everything alice... disney, lewis carroll, through the looking glass, essays, studies, satires, remakes, sci fi remakes, prints, t-shirts, pop-up books, costumes, presentations, therapy, escapism, jaberwocky, inspiration, artwork, music... EVERYTHING!!!!! needless to say, i've been anxiously awaiting the release on friday of Tim Burton's movie (so much that i was going to see the first midnight show on thursday by myself, but my mom wants to go too, so i'll wait :).

i've learned soooo much about the story and characters, it eventually made me wonder, why did i choose this as my "obsession" since i was a little girl? i then started to think about why i relate to it so very much. i do admit that i enjoyed the escapism it offered, but alice took that route too. there wasn't anyone in her life that really understood her, so she went into a world of her own. interestingly enough, a world she THOUGHT was a place that made sense to her, but made none at all. it was a place completely opposite of her "boring, structured life." "Everything is what it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be it is" eventually this world she created becomes, scary, lonely and just too much!

i know i've done the same thing in my life and still have a tendency too (though i don't recall specifically falling down a rabbit hole, i can say my disasociative behavior could be the same thing... just not as fun ;)

my point is... finding balance. be ok with the fact that only you might be able to be the one who understands you... or seek out the company of others that at least enjoy all of you... even if they may not understand you. (i've found it may actually be the "weirdness" about you that keeps others' attention and makes them appreciate you even more).

life's too short to conform, the balance is... be who you are and bring that from your mind to the outside... you'll be amazed at how much more enjoyable your own little world can be when you share it.

xxoo
k